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After yet another week of watching and reading about celebrity mishaps, I was inspired to create a concept for a new jewelry line dedicated to the desperate cries of young starlets gone wild.


A mini restraint piece resembling Jewelry.com's diamond handcuff charm would be a popular gift idea for the family, friends and probation officers of young heiresses. The bracelet made of multiple handcuffs can be moved from the wrist to the fingers and locked to prevent an inebriated heiress from maneuvering a steering wheel, but still allow her to clutch another champagne bottle.


Reminiscent of Damian Hirst's diamond skull, this item may not save lives but it can help substance-abusing songstresses to save face. The jewel-encrusted skull cap will completely cover cleanly shaven heads, and it comes with matching undergarments.


A necklace inspired by Lorraine Schwartz's monkey chain can be worn Mischa Barton-style, down the back, as a visual cue for arresting officers that the wearer truly does have a monkey on her back. It may help wreckless actresses get sentenced to a fourth stint in rehab instead of an agonizing 52-minute bid in county jail. 


My jewelry line may not raise social awareness, but it will generate a buzz at New York Fashion Week and probably sell out at L.A. Fashion Week.






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