Squirrel Spotting: Body Language Speaks Volumes

The following tips come from some of the leading voices in psychology.

Smile
There is no better way to communicate non-verbally than to wear a smile on your face. Gretchen Rubin wrote in “The Happiness Project” that: “Studies show that you tend to like people whom you think like you; and the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you’re perceived to be.”

Touch
Leonard Mlodinow wrote in “Subliminal, How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior” that: “Scientists have discovered a particular kind of nerve fiber in the people’s skin--especially in the face and arms--that appears to have developed specifically to transmit the pleasantness of social touch.”

The easiest way to physically connect with someone when you meet them is to extend your hand and introduce yourself. Sincerely touching their elbow or arm, as the conversation progresses, is another way to create a meaningful physical connection.

Look Into Their Eyes
Sanjida O’Connell wrote in “Mindreading, An Investigation into How We Learn to Love and Lie” that: “When someone stares directly into your eyes, your heart rate increases, as does the electrical activity in your brain.”

So, go ahead, make purposeful eye contact and use that electricity to light a spark.

Use Hand Gestures
Joe Navarro wrote in “What Every Body Is Saying” that: “Effective communicators use their hands as part of their speech.”

Pull up a few TED Talks and watch the top speakers communicate. They seem almost unable to speak without using their hands, and their communication is all the more effective for it.

Mirror the Customer’s Tone of Voice
Rosabeth Moss Kanter wrote in “Confidence” that: “The synchronizing of a sad or happy tone of voice, for example, is often unconscious, as though the human brain is hard-wired to get in tune with other people, because it is more pleasant to have a sense of rapport. Being out of tune is jarring and makes people feel isolated.”

Be Expansive and Open
In “Presence,” Amy Cuddy wrote, “When our body language is confident and open, other people respond in kind, unconsciously reinforcing not only their perceptions of us but also our perception of others.”

Encountering people who are closed to us, slightly turned (disconnected) or with folded arms (guarded) makes it very difficult to establish a rapport.

Active Listening
In “The Rare Find,” George Anders wrote, “Aggressive listeners gain authority by being incredibly attentive to other people. These experts catch the gestures, pauses and inflections that hint at something beyond the words being said at the time.”

There is, of course, a difference between listening and active listening. Active listening is, absent the verbals, a participatory activity. It requires much more than simply being quiet while the other person speaks. The listener should lean-in, nod in affirmation, maintain eye contact and generally mirror the facial expressions of the person speaking.

Being aware of our non-verbal communication is crucial to establishing and maintaining an emotional connection with our customers and our co-workers.

It has often been said that when the words being spoken are at odds with the body language, always believe the body language. It’s that important.

Peter Smith is president of Vibhor, a public speaker and author of “Sell Something” and “Hiring Squirrels.” He spent 30 years building sales teams in retail and wholesale and he can be contacted at dublinsmith@yahoo.com, peter@vibhorgems.com, or on LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter.